The other day I was sitting at a
stop light and my mind was wandering a little, maybe thinking about the song on
the radio. Next think I know, I was rolling backwards! I slammed on
the brakes and… then realized that I never moved. The car in the turning lane
next to me decided to pull forward and my brain thought I was the one
moving. Aside from nearly giving myself a heart attack, no harm was done.
When work is getting really busy, I start experiencing professional vertigo that is the mental equivalent to what happened to me at the stop light.
I start to feel like everything in life has stayed the same, but I am moving
backwards and can’t catch up. Ever had that feeling? The truth is, that
MY light is going to be red until after work slows down and it’s just not my turn
to go forward yet. I have to remind myself that I’m not really going
backwards – it only feels that way.
It can be difficult to exercise when it feels like life responsibilities are a boa constrictor
around your neck. But it's not just public accountants that feel this way. Many moms have described feeling that there is so much to do that when they take time for themselves, guilt shows
up. Maybe this is related to the fact that tons of people are giving crappy
advice on being the perfect mother, but for fathers everyone is just happy if
you don’t spend 20 hours per week watching sports. Ironically, knowing that you should be taking care of yourself
becomes just another thing that you SHOULD be doing and are failing at.
Sigh.
Whether you are a public accountant, a parent, or just super busy, research shows that pent up stress can cause depression, anxiety, crankiness, mood swings, headaches,
insomnia and chronic guilt.
Whether you are caring for a family, a client or just
caring for yourself, you need to start taking your mental health
seriously. It’s not okay to be permanently stressed and
overwhelmed.
Here are some things you can try out to ease your mind:
If you are overwhelmed and
stressed STOP ADDING THINGS TO YOUR LIFE! Stop saying yes. Stop it. Say no. Say it right now.
Practice it. If the PTA or neighborhood watch needs volunteers, say
no. If your kid wants to take up soccer or shark wrestling say NO.
If someone with cancer in your neighborhood wants you to bake 1,000
cookies for a bake sale, SAY NO! Try out this sentence: “No, I
can’t watch your (insert curseword) kid for the afternoon”. Say NO to
everything you can. You can take on some more stuff once you stop feeling like
your Titanic is taking on water. If you can’t say NO, I am offering my
services. For $1 per incident I will call whomever you want and tell them
NO for you.
You are a person too. If something comes up where you really NEED to
help someone - like say… a sick friend who needs you – for Pete’s sake
get some help for yourself first! You have a bunch of people who would love
nothing more than to help you, but you are always trying to do stuff on your
own, aren't you? If a friend called me and said they had a toilet that needed
scrubbing; I would laugh but I would be there in 30 minutes. If you
aren’t a friend, I will tell you NO. Clearly you skipped the previous paragraph. Forbes Woman research showed that for working women, it’s not simply
a matter of not being ABLE to ask for help. They actually don’t WANT to
because it may endanger their sense of being a good wife, mother, or employee. If
that sounds like you – then you need to talk that out with someone and find a
healthier alternative.
Relax better, EVERYDAY. Take time every day to do something you find
relaxing. Maybe it’s only 5 minutes on some days. So what? Take 5
minutes then. Do something you enjoy. If you feel guilty just
remind yourself that you can’t help other people when you are a wreck.
Imagine that you are on an airplane. You are strapping on your oxygen mask so
you can help others later. If someone is telling you that you SHOULD feel
guilty for taking time for yourself, you need to have an upfront conversation
with them about… shutting up. Ok I’m kidding. Sort of.
Be nicer than that. Or not. Your important relationships deserve your
full attention – recognize that you are included in that list. You
deserve your full attention also. If you have consistent guilt problems, check
out this article or talk to someone who can lead you out of your guilt cycle.
Exercise is good for the
mind. When it comes to mental health,
one of the cheapest and most effective things you can do is exercise. In
many demographics, research has shown that exercise is more effective at improving mood
than anti-depressants. Just do it for 10 minutes a day. Exercise
will also increase your energy and help combat insomnia. Exercise is more
about consistency than intensity, so don’t worry if you are not running
marathons. Just start doing SOMETHING. Most people find exercise is
easier to do if you do it in the morning before life gets crazy.
Stop eating junk. When your blood sugar is all over the place, it can
mess up your moods and wear you down. Eat better foods and try to get a
lean protein every 3-4 hours. This will help level out the swings in blood sugar and make it
easier for you to handle stress.
Set lower goals. Yeah, I said it. All the self-help gurus and people
who make money by bossing other people around can shut their traps. Stop
reviewing everything that needs to be done each day. Set a minimum and
when you meet that line, you have succeeded even if you get nothing else
done. Here’s a good minimum – Go to work, complete 1 load of laundry and
15 minutes of exercise. Or… Cook Dinner, do 1 load of dishes and 15
minutes of cycling. Doing a couple of things consistently every day
will make a much bigger difference than burning yourself out trying to do
everything. What good will a perfectly clean house be if you don’t get to
enjoy it because you are wearing a straitjacket in a padded room?
Be more Zen. Stop half doing things. Have you ever
pushed through 6 loads of laundry only to run out of energy before putting away
the Mount Everest of clean clothes? Do 1 load of laundry and don’t start
another until that load is put away. If you are cooking, don’t think
about anything but cooking. Notice everything you can about the
experience of chopping those vegetables. When you are doing a chore you hate
(matching socks!) use it to practice accepting things you can’t change.
Practice being okay with it. It all sounds a little silly, but you are
trying to teach your mind to take a break from its incessant whining and
worrying. It is just as important to rest your mind as it is to rest your body.
Conclusion: There are lots of ways to deal with stress. The worst way is to drown yourself in distractions, bad habits or worrying. Choose two of the above things and do it for two weeks. If it doesn't make a difference, I have a money back guarantee.